Weaknesses

An event is coming up on Friday eight days, and I’m really looking forward to it. Tobias’ cotehardie is done, and my over kirtle is slowly getting there as well. I have the sleeves and the hemming left, and the cord for the lacing, but the dress itself and all of the eyelets are done. I have even made a straw mattress for us – I cheated and used the sewing machine on the non-visible seams.

It might not seem like much, but I have been very tired, both physically and mentally, and I’m proud of myself for even getting this little done. For most of the past two weeks I’ve been home from work on sick leave, sleeping a lot, as it all became too much for me, and all I could do in the end was to sit by my desk at work and cry because I was so tired and didn’t know where to start that day’s work – and it wasn’t even that busy a day. Some of you may know I had a little sister who died six years ago after fighting cancer for seven years. I never really confronted the feelings and experiences I had during those years and final days, and my pregnancy related over sensitiveness combined with a demanding work (which includes situations reminiscent of my sisters treatments and hospital stays), just made it impossible for me to keep them away any longer. So I’ve been at home, and what a relief it has been! I have started to slowly look at and analyze my feelings concerning everything with regards to my sisters’ illness, and though painful at times, I’m sure I’ll feel much better in the end. I would really like to have most of this done by the time baby comes, so it can have a strong, healthy and happy mother.

"Sisters" by Morgan Westling

I am not really surprised at my reacting on this – it’s well known through lots of studies that siblings are usually the ones suffering most when a child has cancer, more so than both the ill child and its parents, but it still feels a bit embarrassing to feel so week and frail… Luckily I have a loving and supporting husband and family, who comforts me and encourage me to talk about it. So even though I’m going through a bit of a rough spot, I feel that I am blessed and still a lot better of than many others in the world.

I would eventually like to use my experiences for good. I have long wanted to work with siblings of children with cancer, but realized it was still a bit too close to home. But some day in the future, when my children are growing up, it’s something I’d like to do. I’ll be home next week as well, and after that I’ll go back to working, but just part time to start with.

So, you’ll have to excuse my lack of posts recently, and take my promise that I’ll post soon enough, and then there will be pictures and descriptions of my latest projects.

Illnesses

For the two weeks before this one I’ve been home from work, with a fever and a cough. Last Monday, feeling a bit better, I went back to work, and was there for two and a half days before I was sent home on Wednesday, this time with probable tonsillitis. No one at work was surprised at this, as most new employees at the paediatric ward get ill frequently the first year or so, catching everything the children have. After a time, the paediatric nurses hardly ever take ill, no matter how many children cough, sneeze, and are sick or otherwise on them. I went to see a doctor today, who confirmed tonsillitis, and told me to stay home from work until my symptoms are gone. As tests showed it's likely caused by virus, antibiotics wouldn't help.

Now, there’re so many things I’d have liked to have worked on when I was home for so long, but for most of the two weeks I felt too poorly to do anything but sleep and play solitaire on the laptop. This time round, I feel pretty well, with a moderately sore throat and tiredness being my only problems so far. Baby seems to be doing just fine though, kicking and doing summersaults when I’m still for too long.

I did design and begin a maternity dress a week ago, but unfortunately the needle on the sewing machine snapped, and it was the last one I had. I still haven’t gotten myself to a place where I can buy new ones, and with all the period hand sewing, I don’t feel like making this one by hand as well. It’s on hold for the time being. The dress will be made from the plaid fabric, and in the design to the right, if you can see it in the picture.

One happy thing though: when coming home from his night shift yesterday, Tobias had picked up a parcel with re-enacting things we’d ordered! New 14^th century shoes for both of us, ten brass pins for my veils and wimples, as well as a few things we had offered to order for a couple of friends.

The first weekend of September will take us to our second and possibly last event this summer. Not that much, but when you don’t have the funds, or get time off of work, you have to be grateful for the events you can attend. We’d have loved to go to the Battle of Wisby that begins this weekend and goes on for the whole of next week, but I have to work. Sigh. Anyway, as I still haven’t finished the lacing and buttons/buttonholes of Tobias’ tunic, and my over kirtle is just half done, that’s what I’ll be focusing on as far as sewing goes in the near future – if my health allows.